First let me share some of the background of our story in hopes it will be of some encouragement to you. If you want to jump to the part about our experience of Teen Challenge in Bonifay, Florida just scroll down. I have highlighted the beginning of that section.
Our Trouble
In 2008 I found myself searching the web for possible options for my son. He was becoming more rebellious, aggressive with siblings, angry at home. Efforts with counseling and mentors were not bearing enough change to change the direction of my sons life. He dressed darker, spoke with more venom and foul language, and I was convinced was experimenting with drugs. Very few conversations were positive ones. Our family walked on pins and needles hoping not to upset him and find an entire event tainted by his outburst. So much of my and my wife’s time and emotional energy was being spent on him at the expense of our other children and our marriage. On top of this I saw that the rebellion was wearing heavier and heavier on him. He was hated himself, hating his life. I didn’t know how much more he could take either. I prayed for solutions, I worked hard on my issues, I established contracts and clear boundaries. And while I think these were helpful in the long run, they were NOT solving the problem. In fact they were escalating it. Which I discovered was exactly what needed to happen.
I sought help with the public school counselors but got no real response. Unless my son was already arrested for a violent offense I was told there were really no options available to me yet. Even when my son was caught with pot, admitted assisting in a drug sale, when I called the police I was told this was common teenage behavior and there was really nothing they could do. After contacting a juvenile judge in protest I learned of the long and drawn out process that I could use with the justice system but there were not real assurance of the quality of decisions and care he might get. The biggest issue with the justice system was the length of time. I was concerned about the condition of my sons heart by the time action was taken. How much harder and colder and angrier would he become? How much more dramatic of a set of events would be necessary to break through to him? What other vices would sink into his soul before he hit bottom began to look up?
All the while we were looking for solutions we were feeling the weight of our own failure and weakness. Why couldn’t we solve our son’s problems? We looked back over and over again. Picking apart how we handled different things in the past. We fought guilt and shame. We read books and sought advice. We were face to face with the fact that we could not rescue our son alone. We needed help. But were was the help and how were we going to afford that help?
I began to look at secular, military, and Christian residential programs. As well, I looked at boarding schools. The whole time saying to myself, “I can’t believe I am considering send my son away .” “Who can I trust with his care? Who or where will he get the help that will turn his heart not just his behavior? As a pastor I have seen many people go through programs, some make and many do not. As I looked I realized that where ever I sent him was going to cost a significant amount of money and it could easily mean taking a second mortgage on our house. This wasn’t going to be a trip to the doctor. This was going to be like the cost of college. How on earth could we do it. I went through periods of anger at my son for pushing me into this kind of dilemma. But like you, my love over powered my anger.
I had heard of Teen Challenge and its history. But I also knew that each Teen Challenge site was different. I visited one program in another state and walked out thinking, “wow, my son will have this place for lunch.” I didn’t want a place to hold my son until he was an adult, I wanted a place that would confront him and love him. I looked at wilderness programs and boot camps. Most of these were secular, short, and expensive. None of them seemed to fit. I found out about Teen Challenge West Florida Boys Ranch in Bonifay. It had a military component and from its information seemed like a very structured program. It had counsel, education, and confrontation. So I did what many do in the 21st century and I did a google search. I wanted to know what good and bad things were said out there on the net about this place I was considering giving charge over my son for 15 months.
To be honest with you I was shocked at much of what I read. I even found a site dedicated to “survivors” of the West Florida Teen Challenge Boys Ranch in Bonfiay Florida. Harsh and dramatic stories betraying neglect, abuse, and lack of care. But I kept reading. Another dynamic was happening. I am a Christian and as I would pray I kept feeling God turn my attention to Bonifay and the West Florida Teen Challenge. As pastor, counselor, and educator I have often had to sift through accounts of wounded people. I know that the story you hear and the interpretation of the events are not always objective and two sided. What was odd was there wasn’t a whole lot easily accessible about the good of the place. When I called they gave me past parent references that I could call. But these were solicited by the organization. That is one of the reason that I have decided to post this on the Internet. I have not been asked to offer this information or received any kind of encouragement to do this from David Rutledge or any Teen Challenge staff.
It is not hard for an angry, aggressive, and rebellious boy that is using drugs to hide from a weight of pain to have a bad experience with correction. It is not hard for a boy that has nurtured deception, manipulation, and even charm in order to steal, get drugs, dominate relationships, and avoid confrontation to report dramatic experiences that seem unfair and a mistreatment. I often wondered how my son reported discipline and boundaries I had instituted to confront his behavior. So I decided to make some phone calls and make application. I am so grateful that I had the peace of Jesus and the counsel of other Godly men and woman because I was about to take a chance and enroll my son.
Our West Florida Boys Ranch Teen Challenge Experience
I can not speak with authority about the things you may have read about Teen Challenge but I can tell you our experience.
The day of induction was over-whelming emotional. We were met at our car by drill sergeants and after a quick goodbye our son was taken off to begin a physically rigorous induction into a structured environment that would insist on compliance twenty four hours a day. What I found on that Monday induction was a staff of men that were strong, firm, but profoundly dedicated to those boys and to God. What struck me most is that they could honestly see the faults but at the same time they had Hope for them. They didn’t just anticipate a troubled kid, they anticipated a boy that would emerge free of rebellion, free of drugs, free of self-hatred, and free of deceptive living. The current head of the drill academy Sergeant Mundun looked me in the eye and said words I will never forget and often repeat, “there are reasons for your son’s behavior but no excuses.” This was the beginning of what has become a long line of clear, simple, and direct wisdom that is applied to lives of the boys there. Sergeant Mundun added that until my son learned to act civilly there would be little to no access to his heart. And it was in the heart that real change took place. I learned from him and other staff that the drill academy focused on teaching the boys to control their tongue, their eyes, their body, the attitudes and their actions. Their pastoral counselors and the PSNC (Personal Studies for New Christians) coordinator, Ms Vicky, would work on the reasons in their heart that they struggled. The teachers at the school would draft a plan for success and labor with them to see it come to fulfillment
I experienced a dedicated staff of men and woman that invested their lives in these boys and truly loved them. They shed tears with the boys during worship and in those times of break through. They rejoiced with them in success and they stayed present with them in correction. The staff there was not just doing a job, this was their calling in life. Pastor Dave, Ms Barbara, Pastor Clay, Sergeant Mundun and many others were the people that were going to be the people that God would use to do for my son what I could not do.
Every visit continues to confirm a well thought out program and good wisdom applied to everyday challenges confronting the boys. Each month shows more and more a genuine concern and love for these boys. They keep good records and communicate clear expectations of the boys. They are not afraid of the boys and don’t need the boys to love them. I couldn’t ask for a better place for my son.
Are they perfect? No they are not perfect. Is it hard for the boys to have that kind of pressure? Yes. Do the men every lose their patience? Yes, wouldn’t you. But as I told one new parent, “I would rather these Godly men, who will admit their error and make restitution, loose their cool with my rebellious son than a drug dealer, gang leader, cell mate, or prison guard.” My son’s behavior pushes people to the edge. These men and woman are willing to go to the edge with our boys. They are people under authority and under accountability. Not perfect but perfect for the job.
